There are several reasons why Michael Williams’ business failed. First of all, the location of the music store is not ideal. It’s located on a small street and it’s just 3 miles away from a shopping center that has two large music stores. As a result, Williams’ store is hard to be found and it's easy to be defeated by the other two large shops. Second, the category of the CDs sold in the store is less than other stores, so customers do not have enough option to choose. Third, the operating hours are too short, and the timing that the store opened is improper. When the store open, there are not many people have leisure time to shop for CDs. Last, Williams doesn’t make good use of money. He bought too many CDs at the first time, and he doesn’t consider whether the price of the CDs is appropriate or not. Moreover, Williams’ store is small, but he employs two sale clerks. Consequently, the cost of staffs and CDs bring Williams to his knee. In short, Williams should think twice before he decided to operate a music store lest the store should shut down.
the category of the CDs sold in the store is less than other stores
回覆刪除建議" the categories of the CDs sold in the store are less than~~~"
Williams should "have thought" twice before he decided to operate a music store lest the store should shut down.
以上
be defeated by "the other" two large shops
回覆刪除我這裡會用other就好了
When the store "open", there are not many people "have" leisure time to shop for CDs.
open要加s
have應該要ing
the cost of staffs and CDs "bring" Williams to his knee
bring要加s
此外
我覺得這篇用過去式比較好
因為是已經發生的事了
時態用過去式比較適當哦
回覆刪除不過結論句不錯哦~
the category of the CDs sold in the store is less than other stores,
回覆刪除我絕得categories...are..比較好
When the store open,open要加s
have要加ing因為前面是there are
the cost of staffs and CDs bring Williams to his knee
bring要加s
我贊同數小
我也覺得用過去式會比較好
the category of the CDs sold in the store is less than other stores
回覆刪除裡的category 和 is 我會寫複數!
因為有很多種嘛~
customers do not have enough option to choose. Third
裡的option 要+S喔!
When the store open, there are not many people have leisure time to shop for CDs.
裡的 open要+S,還有have 是ING型式喔!
以上~
Third, ..., and the timing that...
回覆刪除不確定＂timing＂用法是否無誤，
提議＂business hours＂。
When the store open, there are not many people have leisure time to shop for CDs.
在下會想這樣改：
＂..., many people don't have leisure time ...＂
此外，仍需注意一下整篇的時態。
如有誤，請不吝嗇指教。
1.Second, the category of the CDs sold in the store is less than other stores, so customers do not have enough option to choose.
回覆刪除﹡是CD的分類還是CD種類的分類呢？ ﹡option+s
2.Third, the operating hours are too short, and the timing that the store opened is improper.
﹡我覺得timing→time就好了。
3.When the store open, there are not many people have leisure time to shop for CDs.
﹡open+s
4.He bought too many CDs at the first time, and he doesn’t consider whether the price of the CDs is appropriate or not. Moreover, Williams’ store is small, but he employs two sale clerks.
﹡我覺得這兩點不算原因呢…
5.In short, Williams should think twice before he decided to operate a music store lest the store should shut down.
﹡這句是過去式，跟前面的現在式不統一…不過，建議全部改成現在式。
When the store open,
回覆刪除open要加s噢
timing改成time感覺比較好(?
然後時態有點不一致..
都改成過去式會比較好噢:D
the other two
回覆刪除應該不用the
Second, the category of the CDs sold in the store is less than other stores, so customers do not have enough option to choose.
要不要乾脆寫上文件提供的內容比較好???
最後一點..好像不能當原因喔
因為他並沒有給他一張CD賣多少之類的資料